Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
