I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
