I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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