great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
