I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
