Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
