I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
