dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
