would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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