I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
