I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
