Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
