Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
