just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
