There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
