Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
