He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
