Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
