This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
