Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
