if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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