Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
