But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
