what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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