Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
