apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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