I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
