i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
