I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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