I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
