So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
