hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
