"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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