How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
