I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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