hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
