...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
