I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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