you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
