So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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