Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
