He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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