at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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