Cold hands, warm shart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
