can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
