The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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