well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
