So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
