why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
