You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
