So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
