Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone shattered a urinal.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
