Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
