We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
